I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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