every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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