Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
