My friends, they love my intelligence
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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