fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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