Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
