there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
