Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
