Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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