Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
