chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
