Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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