Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
