WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
