Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
