I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
