I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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