The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
