you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My breasts were aching with rage.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
