How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
