Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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