On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
