I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
They took my balls.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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