im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just invented taco cereal.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
