i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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