my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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