Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
