I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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