is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
