The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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