imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
