Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
