No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
