I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
