The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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