If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
