They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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