Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
