I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
