it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
