I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
