it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
