Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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