I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am available for nakedness
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
