she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
