I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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