1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
