Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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