we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
