cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
