Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
