I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
