She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
