shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
